Why We Long for the Predictable When Things Get Unpredictable and Long for Change When We Have Grown Bored of Easy
Humans are a hard bunch to keep happy, to keep feeling safe, to keep focused. We long for a break in our hectic schedule. We long for something to do when nothing is planned. We long for time at home when we have been traveling too much, and we long to travel when we have no trips planned. We want our daily routine to be predictable and yet we want to be challenged to grow personally, professionally, and spiritually. We are constantly in a state of longing because we are usually focused on me, instead of focused on the Trinity.
When life is zigging and zagging from the path we thought we would be walking today, we long for the ability to get back on that path. Lord, why is this so hard? Why am I not moving as I envisioned? Why can’t we do it the way I planned in my head? When life is chugging along steadily and feels almost too easy, we start looking for something to challenge us, add a little oomph to our routine. Both ends of the spectrum come from a lack of trust that wherever you are is exactly where God intends for you to be.
Honestly, I thought I’d come a long way with trusting the Lord, and I suppose I have. Sunday’s Gospel for Catholics was the one where Jesus calms the storm after the disciples had been freaking out while Jesus slept. I can generally say to Jesus: I know you’ve got me right now when things feel rough even though I can’t feel your presence.
The Gospel, while emphasizing a message God is drilling into me lately, was not what really stuck with me. My mind and soul had zeroed in on the first reading from Job, specifically the line: “Thus shall you come and no farther, and here shall your proud waves be stilled.” (Job 38:11 NABRE)
God is talking about containing the ocean here, not a person, but I could feel something alert in me, needing to pay attention. I felt I wanted more, so I grabbed my Bible and turned to Job 38 and started reading and reading and reading.
At this point, Job is basically getting a lecture from God about questions and justifications that have passed between Job and his friends. Keep in mind, Job has been really faithful at this point, not turning from God, but as his friends poke and prod Job insisting that he must have done something to deserve a pained stretch of life. Job justifies himself: I did this…and I did that…I followed the rules…I never stopped obedience to God.
God answers with let me remind you of who I am through a series of questions about all He holds in His hands since before time. Everything flowing from Him, as He allows or does not allow.
Job responds with a full revelation of his misstep. He gets it and responds acknowledging the strength of his virtue thanks to the Lord and his very life thanks to the Lord and on and on.
“Thus shall you come and no farther, and here shall your proud waves be stilled.” (Job 38:11 NABRE)
Providentially, I happen to be reading Perelandra by C.S. Lewis at the moment. A friend passed it along a year ago and yet here I am reading about a man from earth who ends up on Venus where the islands float like rafts on water, making it difficult to walk. This man is shown a single island that is fixed, not like the other floating islands. He at first loves the solid ground, but soon he realizes the fruit on the floating islands were better, as were the scents, as was his sleep. It’s hard to walk upon the unsteady ground and yet he knows there is something good about it, something better.
And these islands do have moments of calm, but it’s not permanent. One second you are walking on flat ground and the next moment you are on a peak. One second you see a place you want to go, and the next, a huge wave has blocked your entire view in such a way you aren’t sure you can get to that place anymore.
Honestly, I am not through with the book, so I have no idea where the story is headed only that it feels very relevant to what I am praying about these days. And they are three things:
- Control is not everything we imagine it to be. While it might feel solid, it’s not a soft place to land. It is often plagued with limited views and mediocre fruit.
- You learn to walk on unsteady ground and by continuing to walk forward, you get stronger, discover fruit beyond your wildest dreams, and begin to understand what God created you to do/who God created you to be (I forgot to mention in Perelandra that this man does not know why he was sent to the planet only that he has a mission there—at least where I am presently in the book.)
- Pride hinders progress. You do not do what you do alone. We assume we know the whole picture, but we don’t. We cannot possibly know what God knows. We assume our view is the best view, but it’s also a limited view.
God has loved us into existence. How silly is it when we want to tell the world all we did as if He had no part, as if our whole existence doesn’t rest in His hands?
How naïve is it that we always want to credit the good in our life to what we did and blame the bad in our life on God?
How short-sighted is it that we are always wanting more (money, freedom, time, opportunities, children, power, etc.) from a God that died for us rather than looking for ways to give back to Him?
Well, thank God for His mercy and kindness and love and care. Thank God that He sees us as children rather than the adults we think ourselves to be. Thank God that He gives Himself to us in the Eucharist so that we are never far from Him.
Because of Him, I am walking in an everchanging life, but on solid ground. I might trip; I might fall. I am never letting fear overtake me, because I am remembering Who has got me and learning that is strength beyond this world. I am getting stronger and more balanced, but also remembering who gave me opportunities for growth and humility.
I can only hope that I can match His confidence in me and His counsel with the gratitude and trust He deserves.
“I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be hindered.” (Job 42:2 NABRE)
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