Nicole Berlucchi, Writer on a Mission

Today in prayer, I was brought to a place of vulnerability. The Triduum is really full of vulnerability on the part of Jesus and the disciples. We have the washing of the feet, the Eucharist, the Agony, the Passion and Crucifixion and the darkness of the closed tomb.

In many Catholic Churches today, we will have a reenactment of Jesus washing his disciples’ feet. In meditating on this event in the Bible, I wanted to place myself in the scene; I tried to imagine Jesus bent down in front of me, washing my feet. Me, just sitting, in the chair or on a floor. Am I looking at Him? Am I looking away, afraid to make eye contact? Is He looking at me or is He looking at my feet? I think about how He knows where each of those apostles’ feet will walk; where mine will walk. I imagine Him blessing those feet, knowing the good and the bad each of his apostles will face. Is the washing very simple and quick or is it prolonged as he thinks all of the things to come?

The mere thought of it made me uncomfortable. Him looking up at me; I’m looking down at Him, more likely averting my eyes. I imagine being worried about how dirty my feet are, if my feet were dirtier or cleaner than the other apostles. Everything about it makes me want to pull away from the situation.

I am a person who likes to be doing the serving. I probably would’ve been like, “Jesus, let me help you with the pitcher.” Or “You wash, I’ll dry.” And we see Peter say to Jesus, no, you shouldn’t be doing this; let me wash your feet. And Jesus responds saying He must do this in order for them to receive his inheritance. I wonder if I take that direction on a regular basis. When Jesus wants to “wash my feet,” do I sit down and let Him do that? Can I not try to insert myself on how He is trying to love me or what He is trying to show me? Can I not be plagued by ideas that He might be comparing me to others (which of course He isn’t)? Can I let myself see each time He cares for me He is showing me how to love and serve others better?

If we look at the whole picture, we must see that the apostles felt vulnerable in this moment. We often limit the thought of vulnerable as the poor and forsaken, but in this scene, the vulnerable were Jesus’ CHOSEN. They were used to being the servants of Jesus, but they were also accustomed to doing whatever He says. In this particular case, it was take a seat and let me do something for you so that you can do it for others. It felt awkward, but they listened.

Even the strongest and most faithful experience moments of vulnerability when they do not feel they should be cared for, maybe even reject being cared for because it just doesn’t feel right. This image really reminds me of our priests. They are so focused on us; how often do we turn the tables and put the focus of care on them? It is no surprise that Holy Thursday is linked to a celebration of the priesthood. Our pastor shared that the bishop said to our priests at the Chrism Mass that he loved them. Let’s also remember to tell our priests how much we love them. Let’s take time to pray for them and care for them, as they continuously lay down their lives to be available to us at all hours on all days, ministering to sacraments, parish life and our community.

In your own life, I pray that you listen for Jesus when He wants you to take a seat and be washed in order to receive His inheritance. Trust in His example and love. Wishing you many blessings this Holy Thursday!